Mr. West Goes to Washington

The Joint Meeting of the AMS, MAA, and SIAM was held in Washington, D.C. from Monday, January 5 to Thursday, January 8. Because of my stunning good looks (or maybe for some other reason, I'm really not sure) I was invited to attend, all expenses paid. I didn't even submit any work, I was just fortunate enough to be able to go with some other students that did. I was in the hospital during the submission period, and I think my advisor was unsure whether or not I would be able to survive a trip to D.C. It turns out I was only barely able to survive.

Getting through security was pretty fun... at least for the rest of the group. My advisor, Jeff, just sat and laughed. I hope he enjoyed the free show. After getting all my junk on the conveyor belt, I had to get my shoes off. That turned into the Crazy Cripple Dance pretty quickly. I managed to get them off just in time to go through the metal detector, and start the alarms blaring. I forgot about my corset, which has metal rods in the back for support. I told the attendant that I was willing to take off my corset and go through again, but she just tackled me and told me I was under arrest. Actually, that part didn't really happen. They did make me wait in the booth for someone to come give me a pat down. That took an extra fifteen minutes, and then it was time for the Crazy Cripple Dance (reprise) while I tried to get my shoes back on. I almost fell over in the process.

We stayed in the Washington Hilton, which was about a mile walk from the Marriott where the conference was being held. I thought I had done a lot of walking before this trip. I had no idea. Our plane landed in D.C. at about 10:30 pm Sunday night and then we had to take the Metro and walk to our hotel. With all the luggage I was dragging around, I almost decided to just sleep in an alley that night. Everyone else in my group was getting a little frustrated with me that night, and rightfully so. Most people don't really want to be walking down the street in D.C. at 11:00 pm carrying luggage. It's pretty obvious that you are an outsider. They were all trying to hurry to the hotel and I was falling behind. In my defense, we didn't really know how to get to the hotel and we ended up taking the long way around.

The rest of the week was great. The conference was good. The food was good (I ate at Chipotle for lunch all four days)! I even got to visit with Heidi, Andy, Noah, and Micah (my sister and her family) one evening. I didn't do any sight-seeing; the thought of walking around in the name of fun just didn't sit right with me. I took my cane with me to D.C. thinking it would help me get around, but it seems that I have permanently outgrown that because it was just an annoyance. I don't think it helped at all.

For the trip back home, I took off my corset when I went through security in D.C. Everybody in my group thought the metal in my back would still set off the metal detector and turn me into a life-long terrorist threat in airports. Fortunately for me, I cleared security without a problem. I was strapping on my corset on the other side of the metal detector when I was approached by one of the security agents. I was expecting more grief about my cane or my corset until I saw the awed look in his eyes. "Are you coming back from Iraq?" was his question. I had to suppress a smile. "No, just a paragliding accident." He seemed a little disappointed but tried to sound interested. "Oh, that must have hurt."